Interview by Cindi Loftus
Adult Fun: Born and raised in California?
Audrey: Yeah, Pasadena specifically.
AF: Is that why you donít talk like a valley girl?
Audrey: I am totally, like from Pasadena.
AF: What were you like in high school?
Audrey: I was very normal. But what would everybody else think of me? Probably bitchy and stuck up but thatís not the case. I only had one good friend and I still do, who has been my best friend for ten years. I pretty much kept to myself.
AF: I would imagine that all the guys would be hitting on you all the time.
Audrey: Maybe thatís why the girls hated me.
AF: What kind of jobs did you have in high school?
Audrey: I started out at a sports bar/restaurant as a Hostess, and as soon as I was eighteen and old enough to serve alcohol I was a cocktail waitress, and I worked at the same place for four years.
AF: I bet you made a lot of money as a cocktail waitress.
Audrey: Yeah, I really did. My actual first job was as a lotion girl, because I was so eager to work, and the only place that would hire me at fifteen and a half was the lotion kiosk. I was one of the girls, except I wouldnít approach anyone to try the lotion. I was one of the annoying people who stop you in the mall and say, ďGot a minute?Ē I would sell a bottle of lotion for each digit of my telephone number. So I made a killing on commission. When a guy would approach me and say I was cute, can I have your number? And I would say for each bottle of lotion you buy I will give you a digit. So they would leave with a plethora of soaps and lotions and everything else. The boss would say ďYouíre good!Ē
AF: Okay, so the question is did you give them the right phone number?
Audrey: Ah, no. No refunds either on the lotion.
AF: I heard you jumped into porn. Knowing that you are an eager worker, how did that happen?
Audrey: It was a funny story. Me and my girlfriend had no ties or relations to porn. I had only scene one 1980 porn that belonged to my best friendís dad, and everyone was hairy with big blown out hair. That didnít make me think, oh I wanna be one of them. I thought eww I wanna shave these broads actually. (Laughs) I donít know how it came up but me and my girlfriend were talking and I said, yeah I would do it. I was eighteen at that time, and I know that once you do it there is no turning back. You are online. So I gave it two years, and the idea came up again, and I thought if I would have done it when the idea first came up I would have had no regrets so I had pictures taken and we sent them to LA Direct and Derek called me. It was so fast from there that there was no turning back. Not saying that I would have, but literally I went to his office, went to go test at AIM and as soon as my test came back I started shooting.
AF: So now you have been in the industry for two years.
AF: Do you watch your own movies?
Audrey: Oh my gosh, no way. Once when I was on a Vivid set they were playing a movie that I had done previously and I was like, okay I still have to shoot my scene, so you guys better turn that off or Iím going to go to the bathroom, but it will really be the bathroom at my house!
AF: (Laughs) Why donít you want to watch yourself?
Audrey: Because I would see cellulite city, rolls. The str ip tease is the worst. I am the least sexy person. I am the most critical person. And if I have to do a scene after I would think I suck.
AF: You donít suck. Well I mean sometimes you do. But not in a bad way.
AF: You are gorgeous.
Audrey: Thank you. Tell me more. Tell me more.
AF: You have beautiful breasts and gorgeous eyes, and pretty hair, and I donít know anybody that wouldnít do you.
Audrey: (Laughs) Thank you.
AF: Wait, let me pull up some of your pictures and Iíll talk dirty to you.
Audrey: Can you call me late at night and do that?
AF: I sure can, do you have a bottle of wine?
Audrey: I have candles.
AF: Iím looking at a picture of you right now in the bathtub, and just your face, your face is gorgeous. I could just look at your face, well thatís probably not what most people look at. What is your favorite scene that you ever did?
Audrey: Itís from the movie Vampiress, and itís something that I donít usually get to do. I am totally anti-anal, but if itís somebody elseís butt I am the first to want to do them. Iím rude in that sense. If you touch me there, I will kick you. But if you give me the opportunity to do you Iíll be all over it. So my favorite scene was with Gina Lynn and Amber Rayne and I got to do them both in the booty. It was great. I was being all rough because I donít know how feels, because itís not my department of expertise. On their behalf I enjoyed myself highly. They are going to hate me after saying this.
AF: So you got to fuck Gina Lynn and Amber Rayne up the ass. So when are you going to give up your ass?
Audrey: Never. Itís just so not sexy to me. I mean a girl has had her tongue there and I didnít hate it but I didnít ask for that and I donít want it again. No, not my thing. I donít like it.
AF: Who was th e best actor you ever worked with?
Audrey: Evan Stone by far. He is extremely amusing and I enjoy being intimate with him.
AF: Hey, have you ever done a guy up the ass?
Audrey: No. If there was someone that would let me I would be totally all over it.
AF: Wouldnít that be fun to put a strap-on on and do that?
Audrey: I would make him cry. Iíd be like this is for you because you think itís okay to do every other girl this way. You think she likes it? No.
AF: Take this bitch! I donít think Evan Stone would do anal. But I am sure you could find somebody else. Do you get recognized in public?
Audrey: I do. And most of the time itís completely embarrassing because it is most frequently at the airport and after a five-hour flight I have makeup on one eye and there is dried drool on my face. And they will be like, ďAre you Audrey?Ē And Iím like yeah, I guess, I donít want to be right now. And they say, Oh, I am a big fan. And I say I donít ever look like this except when I am confined to a tiny seat for the last five hours. Itís always at the most inopportune times. But I say yes, I am her, because there really is no use denying it.
AF: You could say, Iím her cousin, Audrey is much prettier. (laughs)
Audrey: (laughs) I could say, That skank? No, not her, sorry.
AF: You could say, Iím insulted, you think I have sex for money? I wouldnít do that!
Audrey: God, I know. You think I would DO that? Iím on my way to volunteer at the hospital right now. I donít even know what you are talking about!
AF: What is the funniest fan thing that ever happened to you?
Audrey: I write a blog, so I get all the e-mailed responses sent to my phone, and I get the funniest stuff. Some of it makes me cringe, but then itís so amusing. Like ďAudrey I love you, you are like an angel with a better body.Ē And I think, really, what does an angelís body look like? Or I would give you my eyes.Ē And I think, thereís no need. Iíve got a working pair. I believe that you like me.
AF: (Laughing) Where is your blog so people can go read it?
Audrey: Itís on my website, AudreyBitoni.com.
AF: There are a lot of Audrey sites out there, and I wasnít sure which one was really yours. So just your name is the one thatís really you. You are in Pennsylvania tonight to feature dance?
Audrey: Yes. But I cannot dance.
AF: So maybe you should call it feature entertaining, instead of feature dancing.
Audrey: Iím not even entertaining. Iím up there thinking, is this the longest song ever? Nine minutes feels like a life-time. And when I get off stage I think to myself, I have to do this two more times tonight?
AF: You are so sexy that you donít have to dance, you can just strut around and strip your clothes off and then rub your boobs in someoneís face.
Audrey: Iím so not, there are no subtle movements. You are supposed to go A, B, C. I go A, C. I am dressed or Iím not.
AF: You need to take a strip dancing class.
Audrey: Iíve had lessons or coaching from Brooke Haven and Lexi LíAmour, and they tell me do this, copy me. And I say, Iím still going to pay you, but I am wasting your time and mine. So letís both go home.
AF: (Giggling) I know you are saying some of this to make me laugh. You are really funny. I canít stop cracking up. So hereís what you should do. Get a mic up on stage with you and tell the guys in the audience this stuff while you are doing it! You will have them all cracking up and throwing money.
Audrey: Someone that workís in the LA Direct office (Fran) once told me I was more funny than sexy. I have no problem with that. You are in Florida right?
AF: Yes. Are you coming down?
Audrey: Yes. I will be in St Petersburg, how far is that from you.
AF: Uhmmm. Five hours.
Audrey: So are you coming to see me? Ride your bike!
Audrey: Let me see how much you really love me! Let me see how much you really care!
AF: (Laughing) My eyes are tearing. Stop making me laugh. Tell me about sleeping with your teacher.
Audrey: Well he wasnít MY teacher. Thatís how persuasive I am. I said to him, I have my eye on you. I donít even know how it all came to be. I can be quite the flirt, and it just happened. I was a T.A. for the Dean, and that was the teacherís prep period, so he would always go with me to deliver flyers or do errand for the Dean.
AF: So what would you do, have sex in the car or something?
Audrey: No, in the classroom, but then everybody started to catch on that we were together. One time the janitor who had the key to every classroom, just barged in on us. He didnít really see anything. But he was sent to catch us. A few years later I found out that the teacher had to resign because he was doing another student.
AF: You probably seduced him so well that he was looking for you in others. You ruined him for life. See what you can do to people?
Audrey: Jeez. You are making me feel bad here. I thought I liked you.
AF: Do you have an unfulfilled fantasy?
Audrey: That would probably be to have an orgasm.
AF: I read that about you, but guess I just didnít believe it. You have NEVER had an orgasm.
Audrey: Itís true. Howard Stern wanted me on his show because he thinks I am lying about it. I wish I was lying about it. Iím not too kinky or adventurous. You can ask my previous boyfriends. Iím all about the missionary position. You want to turn me over? No way. Guys will say but you did that in a movie, and Iíll say but I donít see a camera crew here, and I donít think that you are paying me afterward.
AF: That has to be the most ironic thing, a porn star that doesnít have orgasms.
Audrey: Itís mind-boggling.
AF: I see a future appearance on Dr Phil.
Audrey: Somebody get me on, I will be there.
AF: Have you tried everything? Doing everything to yourself?
Audrey: Touching yourself? Oh gross. Get away. But I even went so far as getting a thing called the G-shot. I donít know if youíve heard about that. They inject collagen into your G-spot and itís supposed to stimulate pleasure, but it actually had the opposite effect. Three days later I was shooting a scene and I was literally in tears.
AF: Ouch, so they gave you a shot there?
AF: There is a porn star guy that says he can make every girl squirt, who is that?
Audrey: Really? Is that Marc?
AF: Yeah, Marc Davis.
Audrey: You know what? He almost got me one time. But I never had that done so I was ahhh what are you doing? Stop. He is good though.
AF: Maybe we ought to get you some loosen up pills, or get you drunk!
Audrey: Iíve been drunk. And my favorite game on earth is scrabble.
AF: No way. My favorite game on earth is scrabble. I play online late at night, any time I can. What are the odds of that?
Audrey: I am like the queen of scrabble.
AF: No youíre not. I am.
Audrey: I have it on my Ipod. I donít know if you have that. You can play the computer. They come up with words that youíve never heard of, but I am going to beat it. But the closest I came to having an orgasm would be when I was using the magic wand, sitting playing scrabble with one of my good friends. I was playing my favorite game and I was playing with myself, so that was the peak so far.
AF: Tonight I will play scrabble and pull out a pocket rocket and try it in your honor.
Audrey: You should. My friend said I was creeping them out. I was like, oh well, so sorry.
AF: That is something that Iíve never heard of before. Playing scrabble and jerking off at the same time.
Audrey: I love it! People say I am so strange and they donít even know the half of if.
AF: Maybe you would have an orgasm if you found your perfect guy.
Audrey: I donít care if he is married, your brother, your dad, your grandfather, heís mine! I donít care.
AF: I was going to ask you what would be the qualities you look for in a guy and I have a feeling the answer would be, he can make me cum.
AF: Describe yourself in ten words.
Audrey: Crazy broad times five.
AF: Thatís perfect. You are really funny. Itís been a blast talking to you. Do you have a message for your fans?
Audrey: Thanks for watching my movies. Keep on watching. Drop your pants and jerk off!